THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE

MY SON IS A MAIL CARRIER & ON THESE DAYS OF COLD, COLD TEMPERATURES, I TRY TO FIND WAYS TO KEEP HIM WARM BUT YOU KNOW HOW KIDS ARE, EVEN ADULT ONES :) I GOT HIM SOME OF THOSE HEAT ACTIVATED HAND WARMERS & TOLD HIM TO PUT THEM IN OTHER PLACES (WINK, WINK) HE ABOUT FELL ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING. OF COURSE HE HAS TO BUY PO REGULATED CLOTHES & IS GIVEN AN ALLOWANCE FOR THEM, BUT HE SAID HE WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN A PITH HELMET & PONCHO. SO THE OATH GOES:

"We are mothers and fathers. And sons and daughters. Who every day go about our lives with duty, honor and pride. And neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor the winds of change, nor a nation challenged, will stay us from the swift completion of our appointed rounds. Ever"


THIS IS HIS VERSION: "YES I AM A MAILMAN, I WILL DO MY JOB, BUT IF YOU HAVE A MAILBOX FALLING OFF THE POST OR GLUED SHUT, I WILL HOLD YOUR MAIL & IF YOU HAVE A PITBULL, I WILL NOT DELIVER EITHER. IF YOU DON'T SHOVEL YOUR WALKS, I DON'T HAVE TO DELIVER EITHER & PLEASE DON'T COME UP TO ME FOR YOUR MAIL, I'M ON A METERED ROUTE & CAN'T HAND IT OVER TO YOU; BUT OTHER WISE I DO MY DUTIES WITH A CHEERY SMILE & WHISTLE ALA JERRY SEINFELD EPISODE #9 "JUNK MAIL" OTHERWISE I AM THE FASTEST MAIL DELIVERY PERSON YOU WILL GET"


SO.......ONE DAY I WENT SPYING BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE HIM IN UNIFORM & HE SAW ME SO THE JIG WAS UP :)








FOOTNOTE: (PARDON THE PUN) THIS IS MY VERSION OF THE JUNKERS OATH:


"I AM A JUNKER, WHO WILL CLIMB,SCAVENGE,JUMP OUT OF RUNNING VEHICLES TO GET THAT DEAL, WHETHER IT BE IN SNOW, HEAT OR DARK OF NIGHT (THAT'S WHEN I GET THE BEST DEALS), NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM GETTING THAT JUNK ( clutter, collateral, debris, filth, hogwash, litter, miscellany, offal, refuse, rubbish, rubble, rummage, salvage, scrap, trash, waste); THE SWIFT COMPLETION OF MY JUNKIN' ROUNDS WILL ONLY BE GRATIFYING IF I GET THAT DEAL FIRST."